There are three things in my life that I will never see as fair. #1 is spending my first 18 years surviving an abusive dad. The second is suddenly losing my beloved mother-in-law a week before my son was born. And lastly, experiencing the joy of new life within me only to have him stolen away in a bloody miscarriage.
I have no explanation for these questions we all ask at least once in our life. “Why do bad things happen to the innocent? Why didn’t God save me from this pain?”
It is obvious that we live in a fallen world. Suffering is all around and fear tries to consume us. It can be debilitating at times. How can I know that things are going to be all right at the end of my next storm with a past that seems to have been walked out in defeat and near destruction? Fear becomes the glasses in which I view life. It robs me of my joy. It isolates me. It holds me back. It keeps my bound tightly in a “safe” prison lifeless and impotent.
I decided to be real with God about my faithless thoughts instead of trying to hide behind some religious facade. I have asked Him to show me His heart and to build my trust in Him. Because that is really what faith is all about. It’s about trust. My kids know I am going to pick them up if they fall. They know I am going to bandage their wounds. They know I will do anything to protect them. They know this and EXPECT it. But even though I have believed God’s word is true in my head, it has not changed my heart until after I vulnerably prayed that prayer.
I began to meditate on scriptures about healing, deliverance, and all forms of provision until I realized that I had a choice to make. Am I going to take God at His word or am I going to be moved to fear by the circumstances around me? Chose fear or faith. As I studied scripture I found that Jesus not only healed all who came to Him, but He WANTED to heal them because He had compassion on them, just like we have compassion for those we see suffering. The Bible is full of testimonies from front to back of God’s provision for finances, healing, salvation, safety, and deliverance. God reminded me that he is the same yesterday, today and forever. He never changes yet for some reason we think that we are the exception. We know that God has the power to move mightily, just not for us. Our Pastor pointed out so eloquently all the people that came to Jesus asking Him the same question that we are asking today, “ Lord if you are willing, you can heal me”. And each time Jesus responded, “I am willing”. These people weren’t extra special. They were just like me, lepers, sinners, desperate.
I am sure it seems strange to some, but when someone comes to me for prayer, I ask them two questions. Do you believe that God is able? And do you believe that He is willing? I now come before the Lord with full expectancy in who He is and in His love for me. I trust in His love and in His inability to change who He is from the God I read in the Bible. I still don’t have an answer for why I went through all of these things. I keep my eyes on truth and walk by faith not by sight. I am not talking about a religious façade. I am talking about transforming my mind with God’s word. In other words, changing my mind by what I think upon or dwell on. The scriptures that God gave me to meditate on months ago have become my revelation today. It started with an honest prayer and has become my passion.
Here are a couple resources and scriptures to get you started on changing your mind about God’s faithfulness.
Pastor Robert Morris message Jesus My Healer can be found on: gatewaypeople.com
Dutch Sheets Book: Authority In Prayer
The book of John
Exodus the whole Moses story
Let me know if you need more…